Nothing Matters. Be Selfish.
We live in a world that is screaming for our attention.
News alerts. Political outrage. Another email. A new clickbait headline about how you’re eating yogurt wrong. All of it is intrusive. All of it is meant to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
And most of it — if we’re honest — doesn’t matter.
But this isn’t about giving up. It’s about letting go of the noise, of the judgment, and of the ‘shoulds’ that hijack your time and peace of mind.
The World Doesn’t Operate the Way We Think It Should
One of the biggest stressors I see in coaching clients, especially here in New York, is frustration from assuming the world shares their logic, values, or sense of fairness. It doesn’t.
We spend way too much time defending ourselves against what we imagine other people might be thinking. And that’s a trap. Most people aren’t thinking about you — they’re too busy worrying about themselves.
We build our routines, habits, and choices around imagined expectations. And that’s where the overwhelm starts.
The Case for Healthy Selfishness
Let me define what I mean.
Selfishness here isn’t narcissism. It isn’t greed. It’s not about neglecting your responsibilities.
Healthy selfishness is intentional self-prioritization. It’s about knowing your values, understanding your needs, and having the clarity to say no.
There’s an old philosophical idea called enlightened self-interest: that helping others ultimately helps yourself. But I’d flip that: you can’t help others until you take care of yourself.
If you want to lead, serve, parent, or perform — your energy needs to come from somewhere. Start with you.
Rejecting the “Shoulds”
My least favorite word in the English language?
“Should.”
You should care more.
You should volunteer.
You should be angry.
You should feel bad.
Every “should” is a judgment disguised as advice. And the more of them we internalize, the more we lose sight of what actually matters.
You weren’t put on this earth to fulfill someone else’s imaginary version of your life. So why are you living like it?
Simplicity Is a Strategy
The soul of this conversation — and my work as a coach — is simplicity. Not minimalism. Not a new productivity hack. Just the basic question:
What actually matters today?
Strip away the noise. Ignore the inbox for a moment. Ask what deserves your attention right now, and act from that center.
Simplicity is clarity. And clarity is power.
This Is What Healthy Selfishness Looks Like
Choosing rest over one more meeting
Saying no without apologizing
Building your calendar around your values
Defining your priorities — and sticking to them
Most of us aren’t looking for “purpose.” We’re looking for usefulness. But you can’t be useful to anyone until you’re honest with yourself about what drives you.
Your Challenge This Week
Wherever you are — whether you're leading a team, running a household, or both — here’s the challenge:
Pick one thing to deprioritize.
Say no to something that doesn’t matter.
Say yes to one thing that serves you.
When you do this, you’ll see the world doesn’t fall apart. In fact, it starts to make more sense.
Because when nothing matters the way we were told it does, you finally get to choose what does.
And that’s where real freedom begins.
